I am a PhD student. Course work. Lit reviews. Research. Dissertation. Teaching. Practicum. Defense. Quals. Full-time. Full stop.
I am also a mom. Diapers. Sleep training. Potty training. Nursing. Patience. Caretaking. Teaching. Creating. Loving. Fuller-time. Nonstop.
In my country (the US), it is not common for PhD students to have children. There are some people who have their first child during their PhD program, and others who begin a PhD program once all their kids are in school. Less commonly, there are people who begin their PhD program with one or more very young children, and then continue to have more. My husband and I belong in this last camp. We began our PhD programs with a 1-year old. Then we added another kid after a year of PhD work.
We (and all the other PhD parents out there) are crazy. Or at least, that is the label we often are given for trying to simultaneously attain a doctorate and start a family. However, I do not believe this is how we should be perceived. We are not crazy (but everyone who is crazy says that, right?).
Hear me out.
- What is crazy about wanting to pursue higher education?
- What is crazy about wanting to have children when you are more physically in your prime?
- What is crazy about wanting to potentially have grandchildren in your 50’s rather than your 70's?
There is nothing crazy about any of these things.
Instead, the crazy thing is that, as a society, we fail at helping people achieve these goals concurrently. Here are examples of how we fail them:
- astoundingly expensive childcare
- the expectation of full-time study/work rather than part-time opportunities
- covering the student’s healthcare costs but only providing one (pricey) healthcare option to their dependents
- a culture of prioritizing school/work above all else
- lack of affordable family housing near top schools
- dearth of parental leave policies for students
- stipends that barely (or almost?) cover the cost of living for one person
Any one of these realities can discourage individuals in school from having children, more so when they are compounded and piled together.
But it doesn’t need to be this way.
Family-friendly housing, policies, and mindsets do exist at some schools. I consider myself very fortunate to attend an institution that has a parental leave policy in place for graduate students, along with faculty members who encouraged me to use it. Additionally, my husband’s institution has excellent family housing options from which we greatly benefit.
I believe that family-friendly policies and culture in academia will help all students, especially women, to complete their schooling and ultimately attain fulfilling employment in their chosen field.
